EpicTAKstic
by aerofoil
Summary: Inevitable Tak-is-back. High school age. Gradual GATR/TAGR and ZADR. Like violence, you kill me. Pretty damn terse.
1. Chapter 1: Incoming!

Most of this shizzle belongs to Vasquez. You know how it is.

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**Chapter 1: Incoming!**

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"Welcome," said Ms. Bitters, "to another miserable hour of hi skool physics." She glided over to the open classroom door. "As of today, there are four more of you than there are chairs."

Gaz rolled her eyes and killed an evil chameleon sprite. She allowed herself the brief expression because she could beat Attack of the Shapemorphers: Penultimate Evil 5 while blindfolded.

"This is Tak. She is a transfer student, and an orphan. Talk to her if you want to know what the real world is like. Now sit down."

Gaz looked up briefly, still hitting muted buttons, as the new girl sat down in the front row. "Tak"—the name sounded familiar. Gaz pointedly ignored the rush of students trying to claim chairs, lest they have to sit on the floor.

"Good morning everyone!" said Tak, turning to wave at the class.

"Quiet!" Bitters yelped.

That's right, thought Gaz. She's that alien whose broken ship Dib's always drooling over. I had to _dance_ because of her.

Gaz growled and, looking back down, slaughtered a super-dragon. Although no one but the crazy robot had witnessed it, the years-old memory made her blush hard enough that it threatened to shine through her white pancake makeup. Five years or fifty, Tak would pay.

She waited until school let out.

"Tak," she said, arms crossed, cornering the girl against her open locker.

"Soda girl," Tak hissed, eyes narrowing. "I _thought_ I recognized _you_. What do you want?"

Gaz loomed in closer. "Revenge."

She grabbed the sides of the alien's pink shirt and yanked it up over her head. Tak's disguised skin covered at least that much of her body, Gaz discovered then, and she did wear underclothes—the fact that that surprised her meant she had spent far too much time around Zim. She snorted. "Have fun walking home in your bra." She stomped away through the crowd, balling the thin shirt up in her fist.

"Soda girl!" Tak squealed. "Give it back! Give it back or else!"

"The name's Gaz," she muttered.


	2. Chapter 2: Insane in the Membrane House

blah Characters belong to Vasquez blah

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**Chapter 2: Insane in the Membrane House**

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"Gaz! Gaz, Tak is back!"

"Shut up, Dib." She was pummeling the second mini-boss with a semi-automatic phaser.

"No, listen! We have to figure out where she's set up base!"

"I'm not here right now," Gaz said, slamming her bedroom door in her brother's face. "Die, you stupid chameleon!"

"What?—"

"Beeep. Gaz is _out_. Go away."

Dib swung the door back open; Gaz's hands were too busy to have turned the lock. Gaz glared, hands still too busy to punch Dib out of the room.

"Gaz, you remember Tak?—"

"I've been playing this dungeon for_ two hours_. Be _quiet_ or you will die a thousand horrible deaths." Knowing how to sneak into all levels of their father's labs made a lot of impossible things possible.

The victory music sounded. Gaz had forgotten Dib was there until he said, "Can I talk now?"

Gaz looked up at Dib with a wide-eyed glare. "I've warned you about setting foot in my room."

"I'm not—" They both looked down at Dib's boots, one of which had inched just beyond the threshold.

Something downstairs shattered, loudly. The crash was followed by the most annoying voice Gaz knew (outside of school, where it was quite a competition) bellowing, "GIR!"

"Your friend's here," she told Dib, who ran immediately to the stairs. "That better not have been the TV."

"Zim!" her brother yelled. "Did you think you could just walk into my house?"

Gaz knew from far too much experience that she couldn't game properly when her brother and the alien were scuffling. She wandered downstairs, dodging a flying sausage, and pulled a box of Interweb-Os out of her secret stash. It was almost empty.

"Dib, I'm ordering pizza," she told her brother, who was in the TV room staring the alien down. Dib didn't answer. "Hey moron, what do you want on your pizza?"

"Gaz, not right now! I—AHH!" Zim had taken the opportunity to trap him in what appeared to be a giant jelly donut. Red jelly dripped down from his hair. "What the hell is this, Zim?"

Zim cackled, rising higher on his metal legs and grinning wildly down at Dib. "_This_, as you call it, is part of a plan so mind-boggling that your puny human intellect cannot hope to grasp its awesome, undefeatable awesomeness! Prepare for your doom, Dib-ooze, for it will be—"

"Raspberry?" Dib suggested.

"Pineapple and ham it is," Gaz said, picking up the phone.

"No! Wait! I—I want pepperoni!" Dib gasped, struggling against his doughy restraint. "And no fruit. Eegh."

"Does your friend want pizza?" Gaz asked.

"He's not my friend!"  
"I'm not his friend!" the boys yelped simultaneously.

"Whatever. Does _the evil alien_ want pizza? Not that I'm paying."

"EGG MUFFIN PIZZAAAA!" Gir screeched, appearing upside down in front of Gaz's face. She pushed him away and he clattered onto the floor. "Pleeease, Mommy?" he begged, his eyes growing to the size of large, glowing coasters. Gaz twitched and turned the phone on.

"Yeah, whatever." She called and ordered pizza to the Membrane residence, then glanced at the boys: Dib was squirming and getting jelly and powdered sugar all over the carpet, and Zim was snickering and pointing at him. "We'll talk about Tak when the pizza gets here. _No sooner_." Upstairs, the game waited to be beaten so hard it spat out all its secret levels.

"Tak? What about Tak?" Zim demanded.

"NO. SOONER," Gaz growled. Her stomach growled as well.

"She's back, or didn't you notice?" said Dib, attempting to push at the donut from below. "She's enrolled herself in our high school." He paused. "And when I say 'our,' I mean me and Gaz's. You don't belong there either, Zim."

Gaz tapped her foot impatiently and stared toward the front door.

"Gir!" Zim shouted. The robot had disappeared again. "Gir, come here!"

"Hah!" Dib barked, then slipped through the donut and thudded onto the now-squishy carpet. "Ow." He rubbed his shin. "Hah, Zim! I've foiled another one of your dumb plans!"

"Stupid Dib," Zim said, "I let you go. Tak's return changes things. We will have to work together against a common enemy once again."

"Right."

"YES MASTER!" Gir barked, tumbling to a stop in front of Zim.

"Gir! Tak has returned! Go home and guard the base!" Zim pointed in entirely the wrong direction.

Gir saluted. "Yes sir!" His eyes turned red for a split second, and then he rocketed out the window, which would have shattered if they'd gotten around to replacing the last broken pane.

Gaz gritted her teeth. "Hey moron, you were supposed to call and get that fixed."

"I did! They were supposed to come last weekend!"

The doorbell rang.

Gir swerved down the hallway, shouting, "PIZZA!"

Gaz hmphed. "Finally."


	3. Chapter 3: Stalking Tiemz

I continue to not own these characters, etc. I've had this chapter written for months, so I pretty much suck. Enjoy!

**Chapter 3: Stalking Tiemz**

Three days later, Gaz tailed Tak after school. They were taking turns following her, trying to find her base. Unsurprisingly, both Dib and Zim had failed.

Gaz wouldn't have agreed to do this if it wasn't so challenging. She'd learned a lot from gaming over the years, and this was kind of like a real-life game. Not as good as VR, but even her father's connections and a boatload of blackmail hadn't gotten her into the beta for the Gameslave Awesome. This would do for now.

She knew these short streets, and it wasn't long before the lawn gnomes came into view and she figured out where Tak was headed: Zim's house.

Gaz slunk behind the white picket fence and watched the purple-haired alien girl turn invisible, and then watched the lawn gnomes and pink pufferfish imploding.

"Now, Mimi," Tak said amidst the coils of smoke, reappearing without her disguise as the robot cat twined around her legs. "Scan and tell me which level Zim is on."

"Fourth level below ground," Mimi reported a moment later. "Target is asleep next to microscope."

"Perfect. We're going to destroy him this time, Mimi." Her fake, pupiled eyes narrowed. "There won't be a single speck left."

"Yes ma'am."

Gaz vaulted over the fence and glared at the alien. "You're leaving. Now."

"Soda girl," Tak gasped. "Get her, Mimi!"

Gaz jumped out of the way of the robot's laser fire and bore down on the alien girl, bringing the blade of a pocket knife up to her neck. Tak stiffened, and Mimi kept firing until Tak yelled, "Mimi! Stop!" They fell in a mildy-burned heap, and the blade nicked Tak's neck, revealing a sliver of green blood. Gaz hissed in pain at the burns, pulling the alien girl up and regaining her footing. She kept the blade in place. Tak's eyes were wide.

"Leaving," Gaz growled. "You. Now."

Mimi sat staring at them, cocking her feline head to the side.

"Mimi—" Tak began, but Gaz pressed the knife against her neck and glared harder.

"What do you want, human?"

"First of all, my name is Gaz, _not_ 'Soda Girl'. Second, I don't care what you do, but you will leave Zim," she spat the name, "in _one piece_. One functional, annoying piece."

"Why do you care what I do to Zim, Soda Girl? Are you in looove with him?"

Gaz snorted. "No. He keeps my brother...occupied." Then she hissed, "If you tell _anyone_ about this, you will wish I'd slit your throat. Understood?"

"Yes! Let me go, human!" Tak demanded, trying to free her arm of Gaz's grip.

Gaz pressed up with the knife again. "Call me Gaz, or I _will_ slit your throat."

"Fine." Tak's purple eyes narrowed. "_Gaz_."

One of Zim's auxiliary cameras had probably alerted him by now, and if not, one of Dib's had picked up the alien girl and Dib had hacked Zim's alarm to the loudest volume.

Gaz let go and flipped the knife closed. "I need to game." She tromped out of the yard.


End file.
